Caring for someone with mental health problems without taking over

If you care for someone with mental health problems, it can demand a lot from you. You want to help, but also not take everything out of their hands. It helps to offer support without taking over control.

How do you have a conversation without taking over?

Start small and calmly. Preferably choose a time not right before, during, or immediately after a meal. Say concretely what you see and ask how your loved one is feeling. Don’t let the conversation be only about food or weight.

Keep listening, even if your loved one reacts angrily or defensively. You can start again later. If your loved one is open to help, you can contact your GP together.

How do you maintain boundaries and notice when it becomes too much?

Pay attention to yourself while helping. Don’t unconsciously take over all tasks. Discuss together which tasks are really necessary and which can wait. Also make room for bad days.

Write down what you help with, how often it is needed, and what happens if you are not there. That overview helps you see what you are carrying. Mantelzorg Zoetermeer can help discuss your boundaries and possible support.

What do you do if your loved one does not want help?

Your loved one is allowed to refuse help. Often there is fear or shame behind that. So don’t come up with big solutions right away. That often causes resistance.

Start small. For example, let a familiar face stop by for a while, or take over one chore. Sometimes it helps if someone else starts the conversation, such as a family member, your GP, or independent client support. At Mantelzorg Zoetermeer, you can discuss how to deal with that refusal.

When do you involve help in a crisis or danger?

In immediate danger for your loved one, yourself, or someone else, call 112. If there is no direct life-threatening situation, you can contact the GP or GP out-of-hours service. If necessary, they can call in the crisis service.

If staying at home is temporarily not possible due to psychosocial problems, the municipality may be responsible for emergency shelter. Try not to solve the situation on your own. Also protect your own safety.

What support is there for you as a loved one?

You have the right to your own support and information, separate from the other person’s treatment. At a national relatives’ organization, you can go for peer support, discussion groups, and online modules. There, for example, the focus is on setting boundaries and taking good care of yourself.

Many mental health institutions also have a family support officer. They can inform and support you free of charge. You can also ask the treatment team for a family meeting. Your knowledge about your loved one is valuable.

What do you do if you want to continue with this topic?

Write down what helps you and what feels heavy. This can be about getting dressed, transport, appointments, supervision, administration, or support with anxiety and uncertainty. Take that overview with you to your GP, the clinician, or independent client support. They can look at which help is possible right now.

You do not have to wait for a final diagnosis to ask for support for yourself at Mantelzorg Zoetermeer. For medical questions or examination, go to a doctor.